Shaka and Surgeons

I have read (though it may not be true) that Zulu fighting regiments killed their own wounded if they were no longer able to keep up with the relentless pace held by the impi. And relentless it was. Zulu regiments would cover 100 miles over three days of campaigning, with a large battle thrown in there somewhere. The point here though, is not military history. The point is, anyone who doubts this capacity to turn on one's own, those who have fought and endured beside you, has never sat in the surgery intern's call room in a large hospital while the occupants discoursed on their brethern.

It is often true in surgery programs than not everyone makes it. Many programs accept more interns than they intend to graduate, realizing that not everyone can hack it. This used to be institutionalized, with the programs stating up front that they would not allow all the interns to progress, turning the already stressful intern year into a competition between, say, eight hapless souls for five spots. Thankfully, this is now illegal, but still, surgery programs do not have a 100% graduation rate.

As the interns warmed to their subject, they became very specific, pointing out the faults or strengths they saw in their classmates who had dropped out, or even in the residents and staff ahead of them. Most of the faults were unsurprising, and it was fascinating to see how willing how willing these doctors were to forgive almost any fault in someone decisive and thick-skinned. Dr. Neversmile, for instance, came up and was "pretty damn talented" or "gotta respect him." Even my former chief resident, aptly decribed by one of the interns as having his "default set to hating people" was not castigated further, because he is a "solid surgeon." But one of their classmates who dropped out was described in language that was ridiculously over the top. I've never met the individual, so I can't speak to the truth of the calumnies, but as soon as they all agreed that this person was "not decisive" and "thin skinned" anything was fair game. (full disclosure, the single vulgar word used for "thin skinned" was one I am not real comfortable typing out.)

The strongest language denouncing another resident I heard in my residency of choice was "weak." Medicine is a very intellectual specialty, so there is a lot more emphasis on thinking than on action, but more essentially medicine docs are not as "cool" as surgeons. Now medical school isn't exactly a random sampling of spectators at TRL, but there are always people everyone wants to be around, people everyone else wants to be like, people for whom an easy atmosphere of hip collegiality comes naturally. The kind of guys who can do those complicated handshakes without thinking about them, or looking awkward. At least, so it appears. And most of these people seem to wind up as surgeons.

Medicine is like high school, and you've got all the groups. Surgeons: the cool kids. Ortho: the football team. Nephrologists: the chess club. Neurologists: the Dungeons and Dragons kids. Ob/Gyn: the stuck up cheerleaders.
- a surgery resident


So it makes sense, to my mind, anyway, that the qualities praised in internists are different than those praised in surgeons. And it also makes sense that those who don't quite fit in, who are a bit more self-conscious, don't last long in this environment.

Though I've managed to get along with the residents here, sharing musical tastes and movie quotes, it has been an effort. And I'll be glad to move on. Tomorrow is my last full day here, and I won't be sad. Despite the stories, and the atmosphere I've attempted to convey, I haven't learned a great deal. At least about neurology.