The moral of the story is...

...don't try to die in radiology.

One of the patients my team has needed a paracentesis this morning. This involves, basically, sticking a needle into someone's belly and pulling out excess fluid. Despite what you might think from the title of my post, this went quite well. I pumped about 2 liters of fluid out of Mr. Block, and he felt better immediately.

Then, we started ending the procedure. This involves pulling the needle out and putting a band-aid over the hole. Seriously. But we also packed gauze under the band-aid to absorb some fluid. So, thinking one band-aid was not enough, I asked the tech for another. But we were in the radiology department. And the tech wasn't able to find one.

Now I have heard that the two toughest things to find in a hospital are aspirin and band-aids, so I tried again.

"Have you any tape?"
[tech leaves
[tech enters
"No, we don't."

I was a bit surprised, but perhaps naively so. A procedure clinic without dressing tape? What is up with that?

Also, I came up with a few witticisms which are probably way funnier since I've spent the last thirty-four hours without sleep:

A hospital is a lot like a casino, because in both a)time has no meaning, and b)the only people doing well are the ones working there.

Also, you might be a med student if...you've ever needed to check your cell phone to tell what day it is. Apparently it's Tuesday.