tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post1821518256347338760..comments2023-07-21T07:01:10.447-04:00Comments on A Jolly Company: DenialNathanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07288330419297657142noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-48436739426257335022008-05-17T13:16:00.000-04:002008-05-17T13:16:00.000-04:00this story really touched my heart. presently my ...this story really touched my heart. presently my mother is very, very ill. she was also stubborn unbelievably so. i wish she could go to hospice but our family is so complicated. i love my mother very, very much.<BR/>it's nice to hear a doctor write in this way.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08306040520199251336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-30904373639485659602008-05-14T00:13:00.000-04:002008-05-14T00:13:00.000-04:00tmu - thank you for your comments. And for the bo...tmu - thank you for your comments. And for the book :)<BR/><BR/>alice - I certainly hope so. We did our best.<BR/><BR/>steve - The fall wasn't the biggest problem. Certainly it contributed, but the cancer is what killed her.Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07288330419297657142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-75406344870987314672008-04-07T22:44:00.000-04:002008-04-07T22:44:00.000-04:00Would it have made any difference if she had got m...Would it have made any difference if she had got medical attention right after her fall?Steve Hayeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11283123400540587033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-39462973086175189692008-04-07T10:29:00.000-04:002008-04-07T10:29:00.000-04:00Re: doc's girl comment on the family not knowing ...Re: doc's girl comment on the family not knowing she was in pain --<BR/><BR/>there are some REALLY independent (read: stubborn?!) older folk who would NEVER admit they are in pain or in need of assistance of ANY kind. Their independence means more to them than alleviating the pain, and admitting need of any sort seems to indicate weakness. (Again, we are dealing with this currently with elders in our own family, and i have seen this repeatedly in other families, too.)<BR/><BR/>With these folk, we or their family CANNOT force them into anything; we tread carefully to maintain respect for their wishes, while focusing on what ever the MAIN need is. As medical/social helpers, we can provide information pitched to their level of understanding, but they have the final say-so: <BR/><BR/>Ultimately, they do have autonomy -- the right to manage their affairs (unless demonstrably incompetent), and we have to let them make these choices, even when we don't agree with them, or the choices do not seem in their own best interest. <BR/><BR/>To back off in the face of such decisions is difficult & frustrating for many in the helping professions, since we (often, rightly) believe we know what would be most useful in the situation.<BR/><BR/>sigh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-11735231837155162912008-03-22T09:46:00.000-04:002008-03-22T09:46:00.000-04:00Despite her medical history, this frightens me tha...Despite her medical history, this frightens me that no family member realized the amount of pain that she was in and forced her to get to a doctor earlier.<BR/><BR/>Then again, like you said, there is no happy ending here, regardless of what anyone could have done. Blah.Doc's Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00132862073415528786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-22103688535176468872008-03-21T06:43:00.000-04:002008-03-21T06:43:00.000-04:00What a sad story. Do you think that you were able ...What a sad story. Do you think that you were able to make her a little more comfortable in the end?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-63233827916360630982008-03-16T23:24:00.000-04:002008-03-16T23:24:00.000-04:00I'm currently working on getting a living will and...I'm currently working on getting a living will and healthcare agent POA together for myself. My mother died several weeks ago in hospice; they were wonderful. Her children all agreed that she should not get a feeding tube when she stopped eating. Her husband had to be talked into it, but I don't think it was a hard sell with him.<BR/><BR/>She was suffering terribly. I am so thankful to hospice for their compassionate care. I did not get to see my mother conscious after she went to hospice, but I didn't want her to be awake. I do not understand why other people object to their loved ones being in medically induced comas when consciousness would be so miserable.<BR/><BR/>I spoke to my doctor in some detail about my own wishes. He said he was glad I brought it up, even though I am healthy. tmu, you are right, BEFORE is the best time to get the discussion going.Hey, Youhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16677869087980832387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19411997.post-6278413537054765782008-03-14T00:11:00.000-04:002008-03-14T00:11:00.000-04:00Those of us who work in hospice are often saddened...Those of us who work in hospice are often saddened that our clients acquire our services WAY too late; thus they don't get the whole benefit of how hospice can help to "increase quality of life when quantity is no longer available."<BR/><BR/>The multiple services we provide include the expected competent physical care; pain and symptom management by medical and nursing experts; social worker and chaplain services to promote family, financial, and spiritual healing; music therapists who soothe the troubled soul with familiar music; massage therapists who are potentially more potent than morphine in alleviating certain pain; volunteers to listen to the client tell his stories one more time, run errands for the family, and be a friend; <BR/><BR/>Thinking thru medical "What ifs" and discussing them openly BEFORE need is the way to ameliorate the in-fighting, second-guessing, and guilting that often proliferate in end-of-life situations. <BR/><BR/> This is especially typical in families with one offspring near Mom & Dad, taking care of them regularly, and seeing that they are ready to go, VS. the offspring who flies in from Arizona and thinks Mom should fight the disease more and "not give up." (or the reverse.)<BR/><BR/>ATTENTION EVERYBODY: make these decisions NOW to help relieve stress on your caregivers -- we ourselves are facing this now, and it makes the whole situation much more difficult. <BR/><BR/>Get in order your will, living will, and powers of attorney for health care and for legal decisions. Even those of you with no kids -- SOMEONE is gonna have to make decisions for you if you become incapacitated. Make it someone you trust and with whom you've had some serious discussions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com